Mountain

I feel overwhelmed. I literally want to crawl back into bed every second of the day. My kitchen table is covered with thank you cards. Many are from Molly’s graduation. Thank goodness she wrote them without prompting. She addressed them. I have a pile of notes I wrote months ago. I wrote a few yesterday. Going to the post office to get stamps is a whole different story. I can easily do it. I can easily call my dad to help me. I just don’t have the energy to do either, yet I want my kitchen table cleared off. I have suitcases sitting around, unpacked. I can’t find my flip flops. They are probably at the bottom of a hamper. I have managed to load the dishwasher a few times. I’ve done a couple of loads of laundry. I really just want to crawl into bed. I took our beautiful Golden to get her shots. I asked if they could trim the knots behind her ears. By night, it had turned into a horrible, nasty hotspot. She has been back to the vet twice. It is unbearable to hear her whimper and cry. My other old dog has lost control of her bladder. We have little “chats” about it, and she does better for awhile. I don’t want to put her down. She curls up at my feet every night. The 3rd old girl has a tumor under her “armpit”. I’m rambling, but that is what my mind has turned to lately. I need to get back to work soon. I can’t fix what is wrong at home, and it overwhelms me. My real issue is looking at my boy. He is so frail, so weak. I just want him to eat. I want him to feel good, to look good. I want him to go back to college this fall. I will get past this. I definitely don’t want people to feel sorry for me or to come unpack my suitcases. I would be mortified. I keep telling myself that Jake is going to get better. In a year  this should be behind us. This week, though,  I feel alone. I feel overwhelmed. I want people to know how much I appreciate everything that everyone has done for us. I’m embarrassed that writing thank you notes has become a task to me like climbing a mountain. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it. I know this will pass. My best friend is taking me to get ice cream later. I’ve mentioned it several times, but I haven’t made it out there yet. I’m going to take my Gigi to the vet now. Hopefully there is something to help my old girl. Maybe we’ll stop by the post office on the way home…

2 thoughts on “Mountain”

  1. Hang in there Marianne. I think of you and your family often and send good vibes your way. I hope that your pups get to feeling better, and I hope that Jake continues to improve daily and that by the fall he is healthy enough to return to school and do well and that life for all of you can return to a sense of normalcy. Sending positive thoughts, hope for healing, and hugs you and your family’s way.

    1. Thanks! Just needed to vent…I needed to get out of the house for a little while. It’s really hard to see him like this…I know it will pass soon.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *