Any idiot can have a kid. There are no set rules or regulations. But yet there are people who struggle to conceive, complications, heartbreak…then others seem to pop them out like it’s nothing. Some (many) have kids for ulterior motives- to collect a check, to trap someone, to have someone to love, to hold a bad relationship together… Kids grow up happy, spoiled, abused, homeless, loved, pampered, hungry, dirty, surrounded by drugs, violence or hope and encouragement.  There are no laws or rules or handbooks. It’s easier to remove a dog from a bad home than a child. Kids grow up, and my hope and dream is they do better for themselves. They don’t repeat mistakes; they learn from them and do better. I saw a picture of a beautiful, young woman graduating as a doctor. She was next to her father, and they were both smiling. I already knew she was loved and supported by her mother, stepfather and brother, but I didn’t really know what had become of her father after the divorce. The picture made it clear. He remained a part of her life. He moved on, but it was clear in their smiles that they were close and had plenty of love.  The new woman in his life was in the back seat of the car smiling as well. She had no insecurity or jealousy letting daddy’s little girl (now 26) ride shot gun. I’m sad when a parent has no relationship with his/ her child. Did they choose to leave or were they pushed out? Did the mother/father speak so badly of them that the child also hates his/her parent?  Does the outside parent even know the child exists? Shame on the parent who walks away so filled with hatred toward the ex lover, the child is overlooked. But also shame on the parent who pushes them away. A child deserves better. Your feelings don’t matter. The child isn’t to blame, and can’t be used as a bargaining tool or an emotional weapon.  How dare you not pay child support.  It’s hard enough to grow up. Don’t pit your kid against his/her parent.  It takes planning, devotion, time, money, and 100% commitment to be a parent. The relationship might fail, but the parent/child relationship should not be severed. Do whatever you can to fix that bond. Any idiot can have a kid…that’s scary…

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